My mind is going a million miles an hour, I have so many things on this week and next.
But he is here, now
I just want to get up so I can start my list of things to do which include a rest of my own without you.
But I am here, now.
I’ve studied for my test, I’ve scheduled in the rest, I need to get the washing and the dishes done before school pick up.
But we are here, now.
I saw a reel about staying present when your child is frustrating you, they said imagine when you’re 80 years old and you think back to this moment, what would you want to say or do?
It makes my heart ache because thinking of that makes me miss you.
Even though you are here, now.
My hand on your rising and falling back, your clasped hands pressed up against my lips. I listened when you asked me, as you do every time, “Stay mi me, lay mi me, Mummy?”
I stay with you, I lay with you.
Even as I mentally draft another poem my head is nagging me that I must get goin’. But I don’t want to yet, I want to be here, now.
So I close my eyes and realise that your rest is my rest.
Your breath and my thoughts slow down,
My surrender depends with your sleep.
I take in all the details through my senses and open my eyes to make sure I remember every line and feature of your little face.
My little boy.
This is every time and every day now but there will come a time it is never and nothing.
I am so thankful for you and how your particular needs for rest have given me this time to meet mine.
Beautiful 😍