*Under the thick cloak of darkness
10:25pm I just want the day to end. So my poor sore body And muddy muddled mind can mend. But you want your dream feed Your this, that and the other need Met by me, or Daddy, but mostly me. And me? I just want to be deep enough in a dream to not feel […]
My brand new website – MyRnR.space
*Welcome to the World Wide Web, MyRnR.space 💫 (Original announcement posted on @MyRnR on Instagram) myrnr.space My little dream came true tonight, a day after her due date. 7.11.22 | 10:19pm I am over the moon to finally have you spaceside 🌝 #restwellmotherloverzzz ✌🏻🌙 (Announcement wording inspired by amazing new mum, my sister, and my beautiful 3-day-new […]
*It feels so bad
So insurmountably bad. Each hour, each minute of sleep not had. Like a zombie with a confusing responsibility. On top of ‘Don’t Die’, keeping them alive is key in this reality-show-meets-documentary-meets horror movie. It’s a low budget film, this one. Who am I kidding? It’s no budget. You’re spent. You’re done. “The day will end”, […]
My A – Z (About Me)
A – Anger is something I struggle with these days. B – Books are the basis of most of my hobbies. C – Clare is my maiden name. D – de Leeuw (lower case ’d’) is my married name – Dutch for ‘the lion’. E – English-Welsh-Scottish is my estimated ancestral background. F – Fuck […]
*Bedtimes: His & Mine
7pm Baby’s bedtime, early tonight? Walks himself to bed, so cute First time for everything, right? Breastfeed & lullaby, my favourite time Tickle & giggle, roll & wrestle Lay down, zip up Love you, goodnight. Daddy’s book, last goodnight is his Walks out, cue crying Eventually, finally sleeping. … 9pm Crying again, asking for water […]
My kind of tweet
This afternoon I uploaded my modest little mixed media art product to my very own patch of online shop here on Flock! My e-book, You must be so tired, had only made 12 sales in almost as many weeks on Amazon. Stoked as I was to have anyone buy any of my writing at all, I […]
*Mourning this
I remember swapping stories of early parenting, my hairdresser and I, Me sitting in the chair, struggling to focus my stare, Her reminiscing on the sleeplessness, how she’d tell herself: “I’m only tired, I’m not gonna die”, “I’m just tired, I’m alright”. But I… I don’t feel there is anything ‘only’ or ‘just’ about it. […]
My Self-compassion Monday
It is a cold, rainy day. The washing basket is full of dirty clothes (though I just ‘caught up‘ hanging out two baskets of clean ones & putting away three yesterday). The sink is full of dirty dishes (though I saw my husband wash up three times yesterday and my brothers-in-law, too). The lounge room […]
*Shadow work
They say that youth is wasted on the young. Well I say that new motherhood is wasted on new mums. Shadows seems to darken every light. Days feel unbearable due to the bottomless blackness of the night. It feels like you’re dying right before the eyes of new life. A husband feels the loss of […]
My Grounding Practice
👃 I LOVE the smell of jasmine. Yesterday this beautiful & fragrant flower was part of my regular grounding practice. Curious? Mine usually go something like this: Lay or sit on the grass near our creek or pond; earthing, stretching if my body wants to Breathe deeply Stare up at the blue sky or clouds […]